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s private； and as i passed he whispered into my ear； madame blavatsky is perhaps not a real woman at all。 they say that her dead body was found many years ago upon some russian battlefield。 she had two dominant moods； both of extreme activity； but one calm and philosophic； and this was the mood always on that night in the week； when she answered questions upon her system； and as i look back after thirty years i often ask myself was her speech automatic？ was she for one night； in every week； a trance medium； or in some similar state？ in the other mood she was full of phantasy and inconsequent raillery。 that is the greek church； a triangle like all true religion； i recall her saying； as she chalked out a triangle on the green baize；and then； as she made it disappear in meaningless scribbles it spread out and became a bramble？bush like the church of rome。 then rubbing it all out except one straight line； now they have lopped off the branches and turned it into a broomstick arid that is protestantism。 and so it was； night after night； always varied and unforseen。 i have observed a like sudden extreme change in others； half whose thought was supernatural； and laurence oliphant records some where or other like observations。 i can remember only once finding her in a mood of reverie； something had happened to damp her spirits； some attack upon her movement； or upon herself。 she spoke of balzac； whom she had seen but once； of alfred de musset； whom she had known well enough to dislike for his morbidity； and of george sand whom she had known so well that they had dabbled in magic together of which neither knew anything at all in those days； and she ran on； as if there was nobody there to overhear her； i used to wonder at and pity the people who sell their souls to the devil； but now i only pity them。 they do it to have somebody on their sides； and added to that； after some words i have forgotten； i write； write； write as the wandering jew walks； walks； walks。 besides the devotees； who came to listen and to turn every doctrine into a new sanction for the puritanical convictions of their victorian childhood； cranks came from half europe and from all america； and they came that they might talk。 one american said to me； she has bee the most famous woman in the world by sitting in a big chair and permitting us to talk。 they talked and she played patience； and totted up her score on the green baize； and generally seemed to listen； but sometimes she would listen no more。 there was a woman who talked perpetually of the divine spark within her； until madame blavatsky stopped her with？？yes； my dear； you have a divine spark within you； and if you are not very careful you will hear it snore。 a certain salvation army captain probably pleased her； for； if vociferous and loud of voice； he had much animation。 he had known hardship and spoke of his visions while starving in the streets and he was still perhaps a little light in the head。 i wondered what he could preach to ignorant men； his head ablaze with wild mysticism； till i met a man who had heard him talking near covent garden to some crowd in the street。 my friends； he was saying； you have the kingdom of heaven within you and it would take a pretty big pill to get that out。
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Four YearsXVII
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meanwhile i had not got any nearer to proving that ahasuerus dwells in a sea？cavern mid the demonesi； but one conclusion i certainly did e to； which i find written out in an old diary and dated 1887。 madame blavatskys masters were trance personalities； but by trance personalities i meant something almost as exciting as ahasuerus himself。 years before i had found； on a table in the royal irish academy； a pamphlet on japanese art； and read there of an animal painter so remarkable that horses he had painted upon a temple wall had stepped down after and trampled the neighbouring fields of rice。 somebody had e to the temple in the early morning； been startled by a shower of water drops； looked up and seen a painted horse； still wet from the dew？covered fields； but now trembling into stillness。 i thought that her masters were imaginary forms created by suggestion； but whether that suggestion came from madame blavatskys own mind or from some mind； perhaps at a great distance； i did not know； and i believed that these forms could pass from madame blavatskys mind to the minds of others； and even acquire external reality； and that it was even possible that they talked and wrote。 they were born in the imagination； where blake had declared that all men live after death； and where every man is king or priest in his own house。 certainly the house at holland park was a romantic place； where one heard of constant apparitions and exchanged speculations like those of the middle ages； and i did not separate myself from it by my own will。 the secretary； an intelligent and friendly man； asked me to e and see him； and when i did； plained that i was causing discussion and disturbance； a certain fanatical hungry face had been noticed red and tearful； & it was quite plain that i was not in full agreement with their method or their philosophy。 i know； he said； that all these people bee dogmatic and fanatical because they believe what they can never prove； that their withdrawal from family life is to them a great misfortune； but what are we to do？ we have been told that all spiritual influx into the society will e to an end in 1897 for exactly one hundred years。 before that date our fundamental ideas must be spread through the world。 i knew the doctrine and it had made me wonder why that old woman； or rather the trance personalities who directed her and were her genius； insisted upon it； for influx of some kind there must always be。 did they dread heresy after the death of madame blavatsky； or had they no purpose but the greatest possible immediate effort？
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Four YearsXVIII
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at the british museum reading？room i often saw a man of thirty？six or thirty？seven； in a brown velveteen coat； with a gaunt resolute face； and an athletic body； who seemed before i heard his name； or knew the nature of his studies； a figure of romance。 presently i was introduced； where or by what man or woman i do not remember。 he was macgregor mathers； the author of the kabbalas unveiled； & his studies were two only？？magic and the theory of war； for he believed himself a born mander and all but equal in wisdom and in power to that old jew。 he had copied many manuscripts on magic ceremonial and doctrine in the british museum； and was to copy many more in continental libraries； and it was through him mainly that i began certain studies and experiences that were to convince me that images well up before the minds eye from a deeper source than conscious or subconscious memory。 i believe that his mind in those early days did not belie his face and body； though in later years it became unhinged； for he kept a proud head amid great poverty。 one that boxed with him nightly has told me that for many weeks he could knock him down； though macgregor was the stronger man； and only knew long after that during those weeks macgregor starved。 with him i met an old white？haired oxfordshire clergyman； the most panic？stricken person i have ever known； though macgregors introduction had been he unites us to the great adepts of antiquity。 this old man took me aside that he might say？？i hope you never invoke spirits？？that is a very dangerous thing to do。 i am told that even the planetary spirits turn upon us in the end。 i said； have you ever seen an apparition？ o yes； once； he said。 i have my alchemical laboratory in a cellar under my house where the bishop cannot see it。 one day i was walking up & down there when i heard another footstep walking up and down beside me。 i turned and saw a girl i had been in love with when i was a young man； but she died long ago。 she wanted me to kiss her。
oh no； i would not do that。 why not？ i said。 oh； she might have got power over me。 has your alchemical research had any success？ i said。 yes； i once made the elixir of life。 a french alchemist said it had the right smell and the right colour； （the alchemist may have been elephas levi； who visited england in the sixties； & would have said anything） but the first effec