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assumed truculence and fury； cold logic； an universal gentleness； an unruffled courtesy； and yet could never close a speech without being denounced by a journeyman hatter with an italian name。 converted to socialism by d。。。； and to anarchism by himself； with swinging arm and uplifted voice this man perhaps exaggerated our scruple about parliament。 i lack； said d。。。； the bump of reverence； whereon the wild man shouted you ave a ole。 there are moments when looking back i somewhat confuse my own figure with that of the hatter； image of our hysteria； for i too became violent with the violent solemnity of a religious devotee。
i can even remember sitting behind d。。。 and saying some rude thing or other over his shoulder。 i dont remember why i gave it up but i did quite suddenly； and i think the push may have e from a young workman who was educating himself between morris and karl marx。 he had planned a history of the navy and when i had spoken of the battleship of nelsons day； had said： oh； that was the decadence of the battleship； but if his naval interests were mediaeval； his ideas about religion were pure karl marx； and we were soon in perpetual argument。 then gradually the attitude towards religion of almost everybody but morris； who avoided the subject altogether； got upon my nerves； for i broke out after some lecture or other with all the arrogance of raging youth。 they attacked religion； i said； or some such words； and yet there must be a change of heart and only religion could make it。 what was the use of talking about some near revolution putting all things right； when the change must e； if e it did； with astronomical slowness； like the cooling of the sun or； it may have been； like the drying of the moon？ morris rang his chairmans bell； but i was too angry to listen； and he had to ring it a second time before i sat down。 he said that night at supper： of course i know there must be a change of heart； but it will not e as slowly as all that。 i rang my bell because you were not being understood。 he did not show any vexation； but i never returned after that night； and yet i did not always believe what i had said and only gradually gave up thinking of and planning for some near sudden change for the better。
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Four YearsXI
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i spent my days at the british museum and must； i think； have been delicate； for i remember often putting off hour after hour consulting some necessary book because i shrank from lifting the heavy volumes of the catalogue； and yet to save money for my afternoon coffee and roll i often walked the whole way home to bedford park。 i was piling； for a series of shilling books； an anthology of irish fairy stories and； for an american publisher； a two volume selection from the irish novelists that would be somewhat dearer。 i was not well paid； for each book cost me more than three months reading； and i was paid for the first some twelve pounds； （o mr。 e。。。 said publisher to editor； you must never again pay so much） and for the second； twenty； but i did not think myself badly paid； for i had chosen the work for my own purposes。
though i went to sligo every summer； i was pelled to live out of ireland the greater part of every year and was but keeping my mind upon what i knew must be the subject matter of my poetry。 i believed that if morris had set his stories amid the scenery of his own wales （for i knew him to be of welsh extraction and supposed wrongly that he had spent his childhood there） that if shelley had nailed his prometheus or some equal symbol upon some welsh or scottish rock； their art had entered more intimately； more microscopically； as it were； into our thought； and had given perhaps to modern poetry a breadth and stability like that of ancient poetry。 the statues of mausolus and artemisia at the british museum； private； half animal； half divine figures； all unlike the grecian athletes and egyptian kings in their near neighbourhood； that stand in the middle of the crowds applause or sit above measuring it out unpersuadable justice； became to me； now or later； images of an unpremeditated joyous energy； that neither i nor any other man； racked by doubt and enquiry； can achieve； and that yet； if once achieved； might seem to men and women of connemara or of galway their very soul。 in our study of that ruined tomb； raised by a queen to her dead lover； and finished by the unpaid labour of great sculptors after her death from grief； or so runs the tale； we cannot distinguish the handiworks of scopas and praxiteles； and i wanted to create once more an art； where the artists handiwork would hide as under those half anonymous chisels； or as we find it in some old scots ballads or in some twelfth or thirteenth century arthurian romance。 that handiwork assured； i had martyred no man for modelling his own image upon pallasathenas buckler； for i took great pleasure in certain allusions to the singers life one finds in old romances and ballads； and thought his presence there all the more poignant because we discover it half lost； like portly chaucer riding behind his maunciple and his pardoner。 wolfram von eschenbach； singing his german parsival； broke off some description of a famished city to remember that in his own house at home the very mice lacked food； and what old ballad singer was it who claimed to have fought by day in the very battle he sang by night？ so masterful indeed was that instinct that when the minstrel knew not who his poet was he must needs make up a man： when any stranger asks who is the sweetest of singers； answer with one voice： 〃a blind man； he dwells upon rocky chios； his songs shall be the most beautiful for ever。〃 elaborate modern psychology sounds egotistical； i thought； when it speaks in the first person； but not those simple emotions which resemble the more； the more powerful they are； everybodys emotion； and i was soon to write many poems where an always personal emotion was woven into a general pattern of myth and symbol。 when the fenian poet says that his heart has grown cold and callous； for thy hapless fate； dear ireland； and sorrows of my own； he but follows tradition； and if he does not move us deeply； it is because he has no sensuous musical vocabulary that es at need； without pelling him to sedentary toil and so driving him out from his fellows。 i thought to create that sensuous； musical vocabulary； and not for myself only but that i might leave it to later irish poets； much as a mediaeval japanese painter left his style as an inheritance to his family； and was careful to use a traditional manner and matter； yet did something altogether different； changed by that toil； impelled by my share in cains curse； by all that sterile modern plication； by my originality as the newspapers call it。 morris set out to make a revolution that the persons of his well at the worlds end or his waters of the wondrous isles； always； to my mind； in the likeness of artemisia and her man； might walk his native scenery； and i； that my native scenery might find imaginary inhabitants； half planned a new method and a new culture。 my mind began drifting vaguely towards that doctrine of the mask which has convinced me that every passionate man （i have nothing to do with mechanist； or philanthropist； or man whose eyes have no preference） is； as it were； linked with another age； historical or imaginary； where alone he finds images that rouse his energy。 napoleon was never of his own time； as the naturalistic writers and painters bid all men be； but had some roman emperors image in his head and some condottieres blood in his heart； and when he crowned that head at rome with his own hands； he had covered； as may be seen from davids painting； his hesitation with that emperors old suit。
Four YearsXII
i had various women friends on whom i would call towards five oclock； mainly to discuss my thoughts that i could not bring to a man without meeting some peting thought； but partly because their tea & toast saved my pennies for the bus ride home； but with women； apart from their intimate exchanges of thought； i was timid and abashed。 i was sitting on a seat in front of the british museum feeding pigeons； when a couple of girls sat near and began enticing my pigeons away； laughing and